Kid Jokes

You don’t have to look to far to find things that will make you laugh and smile when there are kids around. So here is nice long list of goofy jokes to make those moments just a bit more funnier.

1. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?

A dino-snore!

2. What is fast, loud and crunchy?

A rocket chip!

3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?

Because she was stuffed.

4. What has ears but cannot hear?

A cornfield.

5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?

Between us, something smells!

6. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frost bite!

7. What did one plate say to the other plate?

Dinner is on me!

8. Why did the student eat his homework?

Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

9. When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?

Because when you find it, you stop looking.

10. What is brown, hairy and wears sunglasses?

A coconut on vacation.

11. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?

Dill with it.

12. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?

That hit the spot!

13. Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

14. How does a vampire start a letter?

Tomb it may concern…

15. What do you call a droid that takes the long way around?

R2 detour.

16. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?

You rocket!

17. Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7, 8, 9

18. What is a witch’s favorite subject in school?


19. When does a joke become a “dad” joke?

When the punchline is a parent.

20. How do you make a lemon drop?

Just let it fall.

21. What did the limestone say to the geologist?

Don’t take me for granite!

22. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?

A wise quacker.

23. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?

Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

24. What kind of water cannot freeze?

Hot water.

25. What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree!

26. Why did the cookie go to the hospital?

Because he felt crummy.

27. Why was the baby strawberry crying?

Because her parents were in a jam.

28. What did the little corn say to the mama corn?

Where is pop corn?

29. What is worse than raining cats and dogs?

Hailing taxis!

30. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

About a buck an ear.

31. Where would you find an elephant?

The same place you lost her!

32. How do you talk to a giant?

Use big words!

33. What animal is always at a baseball game?

A bat.

34. What falls in winter but never gets hurt?


35. What do you call a ghost’s true love?

His ghoul-friend.

36. What building in New York has the most stories?

The public library!

37. What did one volcano say to the other?

I lava you!

38. How do we know that the ocean is friendly?

It waves!

39. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?


40. How does the moon cut his hair?

Eclipse it.

41. How do you get a squirrel to like you?

Act like a nut!

42. What do you call two birds in love?


43. How does a scientist freshen her breath?

With experi-mints!

44. How are false teeth like stars?

They come out at night!

45. How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

She starts coffin.

46. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.

47. What is a computer’s favorite snack?
Computer chips!!
—reader Rebecca K.

48. Why don’t elephants chew gum?
They do, just not in public.

49. What was the first animal in space?

The cow that jumped over the moon

50. What did the banana say to the dog?
Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.

51. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.

52. How does a cucumber become a pickle?

It goes through a jarring experience.

53. What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.

54. What do you think of that new diner on the moon?

Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.

55. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?

Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

56. Why can’t Elsa have a balloon?

Because she will let it go.

57. How do you make an octopus laugh?

With ten-tickles!

58. How do you make a tissue dance?

You put a little boogie in it.

59. What’s green and can fly?

Super Pickle!

60. Knock knock.

Who’s there?

Interrupting pirate.

Interrupting piryarrrrrr!

61. What did the nose say to the finger?

Quit picking on me!

62. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste.

63. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

Because she wanted to go to high school.

64. Where do vampires keep their money?

A blood bank.

65. What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

66. What do you call a dog magician?

A labracadabrador.

67. Where do pencils go on vacation?


68. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?

She was a little horse.

69. What do you cakes and baseball have in common?

They both need a batter! 

70. What gets wetter the more it dries?

A towel.

71. What do you call two bananas?


And speaking of bananas…

72. Why did the banana go to the doctor?

Because it wasn’t peeling well.

73. What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta.

74. What stays in the corner yet can travel all over the world?

A stamp.

75. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?

With a pumpkin patch.

76. What kind of award did the dentist receive?

A little plaque.

77. What do you call a funny mountain?


78. Why are ghosts bad liars?

Because you can see right through them.

79. Why do bees have sticky hair?

Because they use a honeycomb.

80. What did the big flower say to the little flower?

Hi, bud!

91. What part of your body can cause the end of the world?

Your apoco-lips!

92. What did the astronaut say when he crashed into the moon?

“I Apollo-gize.”

93. Why didn’t the orange win the race?

It ran out of juice.

94. What dinosaur had the best vocabulary?  

The thesaurus.

95. What did one DNA strand say to the other DNA strand?

Do these genes make my butt look big?

96. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?

They have two left feet.

97. What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe?


98. Kid: What are you doing under there?

Mom: Under where?

Kid: Ha ha! You said underwear!!

99. Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?

Because he wanted to see time fly.

100. What did one toilet say to the other?

You look flushed.

101. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?

He wanted cold hard cash!

102. Why couldn’t the astronaut book a hotel on the moon?

Because it was full.

103. How do pickles enjoy a day out?

They relish it.

104. What do you call an old snowman?


105. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?


106. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?

Swimming trunks. 

107. How do you throw a party in space?

You planet. 

108. What did zero say to eight? 

Nice belt! 

109. What happened when the skunk was on trial?

The judge declared, “Odor in the court, odor in the court!” 

110. What do you call a sleeping bull?

A bulldozer! 

111. Why did the tomato blush? 

It saw the salad dressing. 

112. What do you call a fish without an eye? 

A fsh. 

113. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?

Anyone can roast beef. 

114. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?

A walkie talkie. 

115. Why are robots never afraid?

They have nerves of steel.

116. Why did the cabbage win the race? 

Because it was a-head.

117. What does an evil hen lay?

Deviled eggs. 

118. What does a book do in the winter?

Puts on a jacket. 

119. Knock knock! 

Who’s there?


Dishes who?

Dishes me, who are you? 

120. What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?


121. What kind of haircuts to bees get?


122. Knock knock!

Who’s there?


Donut who?

Donut ask me, I just got here.

124. What do you get if you cross a pie and a snake? 

A pie-thon. 

125. What do you do if you get peanut butter on your doorknob?

Use a door jam.

126. Why was 6 so mad at 7?

Because 7 8 9.

127. Why didn’t the robot finish his breakfast?

Because the orange juice told him to concentrate. 

128. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?

They always hog the puck.

129. Why do porcupines always win the game?

They have the most points.

130. Where do elephants pack their clothes?

In their trunks! 

131. What does bread do on vacation?

Loaf around. 

132. Why was the broom running late?

It over-swept.

133. What part of the fish weighs the most? 

The scales. 

134. What do ghosts like to eat in the summer?

I Scream.

135. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?

Because her students were so bright. 

136. What do you call a deer with pink eye?

A colorful eye-deer.

137, Where do sheep go on vacation?

The Baaa-hamas. 

138. What does every birthday end with?

The letter Y. 

139. What did the paper say to the pencil?

Write on! 

140. Why do birds fly?

It’s faster than walking. 

141. Why did Superman flush the toilet?

Because it was his doody. 

142. Why did the pillow cross the road?

It was picking up the chicken’s feathers. 

143. Can February March?

No, but April May. 

144. What time do ducks wake up?

At the quack of dawn. 

145. Why did the giraffes get bad grades?

She had her head in the clouds. 

146. What did the flower say after it told a joke?

I was just pollen your leg. 

147. What did the traffic light say to the truck?

Don’t look, I’m changing. 

148. What does a cloud wear?


149. Why didn’t the koala bear get the job?

They said she was over-koala-fied.

150. Who was that owl who did all the tricks?


151. What kind of vegetable is angry?

A steamed carrot! 

152. How does the moon stay up in the sky?


153. Why isn’t there a clock in the library?

Because it tocks too much. 

154. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

Because they’re so good at it! 

155. What day of the week are most twins born on?


156. Would February March?

No, but April May. 

157. What do you call bears with no ears?


158. What kind of tree fits in your hand?

A palm tree!

168. What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk. 

169. What’s yellow and looks like pineapple?

A lemon with a new haircut. 

170. What do you call a deer with no eyes?

“No eye-deer.” 


171. What did the lunchbox say to the banana?

You really have appeal. 

172. What did the mouse say to the keyboard? 

You’re my type!  

173. What did the science book say to the math book?

Wow, you’ve got problems.  

174. How do squids get to school?

They take an octobus. 

175. Where do mermaids look for jobs?

The kelp-wanted section.   

176. What word starts with the letter t, ends with the letter t, and has t in it?

A teapot!

177. What has four wheels and flies?

A garbage truck!

178.  Two goats were munching on a movie script. 

Goat 1: This is good!
Goat 2: The book was better.

179. What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?


180. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?

To make up for his miserable summer.

181. Why did the woman become an archeologist?

Because her career was in ruins.

182. Knock knock! 

Who’s there?


Manatee who?

Manatee would be better than a sweater today, it’s hot! 

183. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?


184. What snack should you make for the Snowman Holiday Party?

Ice Krispy Treats

185. What do you call a nun who sleepwalks?

A roamin’ Catholic. 

186. Why do birds fly south?

It’s too far to walk.

187. What did the traffic light say to the cars?

Don’t look, I’m changing!

188. Why is there a gate around cemeteries?

Because people are dying to get in!

189. What is a scarecrow’s favorite fruit?

A strawberry. 

190. How does a hurricane see?

With one eye. 

191. How do they answer the phone at the paint store?


192. Why do scissors always win a race?

Because they take a shortcut!

193. How do you stop a bull from charging? 

You unplug it!  

194. What did the dad say to his daughter at the cook out?  

This grill is on fire!  

195. Why did the king go to the bathroom?

He wanted to sit on the throne.

196. What is a pirate’s favorite body part?

The booty!

197. If it takes two men to dig a hole in one day how long would it take for one man to dig a half a hole?           

There is no such thing as a half a hole.

198. How do cats bake cake?

From scratch.  

199. What is a zombie’s favorite thing to eat? 

Brain food.  

200. How do you fix a broken tomato?

With a can of tomato paste.  

201. What do you call a rabbit with lice? 

Bugs Bunny.   

202. It took 10 workers 10 days to build a bridge.  How long would it take 5 workers to build the same bridge?

None—it’s already built!

203. How do you make the word Tiger longer?


204. How do you clean chicken?  –

Put it in dishwasher.

205. What is brown and sticky?

A stick. 

206. There’s a girl on a boat in a pretty pink coat. What’s her name?


207. Where does a rat go when it has a toothache? 

To the rodentist.  

208. What does an alien do when it is bored in school?

Spaces out.   

209. What does a broken plate say when she gets her cupcake?

Is this GLUE-ten free?

210. Why didn’t the hyena cross the road?

He was too busy laughing. 

211. Have you heard the one about the student who was afraid of negative numbers?

He’ll stop at nothing to avoid them. 

212. What do you call it when a hammock teases another hammock?


213. What did they say when Marie Curie and Albert Einstein said the same thing at the same time?

Greatest minds think alike! 

214. What did the kid learn about knowledge?

It was all knowing.

215. Why did the chicken go the hospital?

Because it needed some tweatment!

216. Why did the skeletons cross the road?

To get to the body shop!

217. What is more impressive than a talking parrot?

A spelling bee.

218. What do you call babies in the army?


219. What is a cat’s favorite color?


220. Why did the dragon cross the road?

Because he was too chicken to fly!       

221. Who won the race of princesses?

Rapunzel, By a hair!

222. What did the egg say when it was late for breakfast?

I have to scramble!  

223. How do you stop a bull from charging?

You take away it’s credit card!

224. Where does the T-rex go shopping?

The dino store!

225. Why was the rabbit happy?

Because somebunny loved him!

226. What did the pear say to the shoeless?

You need a pair of shoes. 

227. What do you call a bear with no ear?

A “B”

228. What would happen if the dean lost his job?

He would lose his “ideanity.” 

229. Why did the baby cross the road? 

To get to the whine shop!

230. Why shouldn’t you trust stairs?

Because they are always up to something.

231. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was out standing in his field.

232. What do you call a cat burrito?

A purrito

233. What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey!

234. What do you call a pounding headache? 

A temple tantrum! 

235. How do you get a cat to code?

You Scratch it! 

236. Why was the man mad at the clock?

He was ticked off!

237. What is the strongest kind of shoe?

Under Armor!

238. Why did Rudolph have a bad report card?

Because he went down in History!

239. Why don’t scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

240. Why can’t you spell dark with a “c”, so it says “darc”?

Because you can’t c in dark!

241. How do you clean a chicken?

An egg wash! 

242. Why did the cookie have to go to the doctor?

It was feeling crummy. 

243. What’s Joanna Gaines’ favorite snack food?


244. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

Because there was noBody on the other side. 

245. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

He didn’t have the guts. 

246. What do you do when an astronaut’s wife is upset?

Give her some space.

247. Why did the young astronaut cry on the moon? 

Because he missed his mother earth. 

248. Two monkeys were fighting over a banana. What happened?

Banana split! 

249. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A blood orange!

250. Why don’t eggs like to gamble?

They always get a raw deal. 

251. When is a door not a door?

When it’s ajar.  

252. Why did the scientist take out the bell?

He wanted to win the no-bell prize.  

253. Why are strawberries natural musicians?

They love to jam. 

254. What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot!   

255. Did you hear about the kid who drank eight sodas?

He burped 7-Up. 

256. What be the pirate’s favorite letter of the alphabet?


No, it be the C! (Sea).

257. What is a tree’s favorite beverage?

Root beer! 

258. Why do fish live in saltwater?

Pepper makes them sneeze! ACHOOOOOO!!!!!!

259. Why are fish so smart?

Because they live in a school! 

14 thoughts on “Kid Jokes

  1. Heya i am for the first time here. I came across this board and I find It really useful & it helped me out much. I hope to give something back and help others like you helped me.|

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.