1. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.
2. What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A deviled egg.
3. Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold.
4. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless.
5. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!
6. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!
7. Where do baby cats learn to swim? The kitty pool.
8. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? From the bark.
9. What do you call a fish wearing a bow tie? Sofishticated.
10. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it.
11. Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day.
12. Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.
13. How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.
14. Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot.
15. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.
16. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb.
17. What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas.
18. Why is it bad to iron your four-leaf clover? Because you shouldn’t press your luck.
19. What rock group has four men who don’t sing? Mount Rushmore.
20. What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.
21. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear.
22. What do you call a sick lemon? Lemon-aid.
23. What did the nose tell the finger? Stop picking on me.
24. Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.
25. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.
26. Why are pigs so bad at sports? Because they always hog the ball.
27. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.