Twisted Jokes

1. What time did the man go to the dentist? Tooth hurt-y.

2. What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay? A deviled egg. 

3. Which is faster, hot or cold? Hot, because you can catch a cold. 

4. I made a pencil with two erasers. It was pointless. 

5. How do you make a Kleenex dance? Put a little boogie in it!

6. What do you get from a pampered cow? Spoiled milk!

7. Where do baby cats learn to swim? The kitty pool.

8. How can you tell it’s a dogwood tree? From the bark. 

9. What do you call a fish wearing a bow tie? Sofishticated. 

10. How does the moon cut his hair? Eclipse it. 

11. Sundays are always a little sad, but the day before is a sadder day. 

12. Where do you learn to make a banana split? Sundae school.

13. How do you row a canoe filled with puppies? Bring out the doggy paddle.

14. Why is cold water so insecure? Because it’s never called hot. 

15. I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something. 

16. Why do bees have sticky hair? Because they use a honeycomb. 

17. What did Tennessee? The same thing as Arkansas. 

18. Why is it bad to iron your four-leaf clover? Because you shouldn’t press your luck. 

19. What rock group has four men who don’t sing? Mount Rushmore. 

20. What gets wetter the more it dries? A towel.

21. What do you call a toothless bear? A gummy bear. 

22. What do you call a sick lemon? Lemon-aid.

23. What did the nose tell the finger? Stop picking on me. 

24. Why can’t your hand be 12 inches long? Because then it would be a foot.

25. What has four wheels and flies? A garbage truck.

26. Why are pigs so bad at sports? Because they always hog the ball. 

27. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

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