1. What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.
2. Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered.
3. Why did the coach go to the bank? To get his quarter back.
4. Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella? Fo’ Drizzle.
5. Why are skeletons so calm? Because nothing gets under their skin.
6. What did one ocean say to the other ocean? Nothing, they just waved.
7. Did you hear about the power outlet who got into a fight with a power cord? He thought he could
socket to him.
8. Why are elevator jokes so good? They work on so many levels.
9. Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the border? Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.
10. How can a leopard change his spots? By moving.
11. Don’t trust atoms. They make up everything!
12. What’s an astronaut’s favorite part of a computer? The space bar.
13. I’m afraid of the calendar. Its days are numbered.
14. Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.
15. What did the zero say to the eight? That belt looks good on you.
16. It takes guts to be an organ donor.
17. I got carded at a liquor store, and my Blockbuster card accidentally fell out. The cashier said never mind.
18. Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
19. Air used to be free at the gas station. Now it’s $1.50. You know why? Inflation.
20. When I was a kid, my mother told me I could be anyone I wanted to be. Turns out, identity theft is a crime.
22. I wondered why the frisbee kept getting bigger and bigger. Then it hit me
23. My wife said I should do lunges to stay in shape. That would be a big step forward.